It's not you, it's me...

We've all said it at some point, or at least seen it on a romantic comedy chick flick... But if we're really honest it's often the exact opposite of how we feel.

If only my children would stop running inside, quit fighting with each other, not talk back, keep their room tidy, mind their manners, stay in their own bed at night etc...

The truth is we often place unrealistic expectations on our children to be perfect, yes we need to teach them right from wrong, discipline them when it is needed. But I have often found myself frustrated with my boys when they have made unwise, at times hurtful, choices. The truth is that our children do and will make mistakes... we all make mistakes... yes that includes you and I too!

So what do we do? Do we just give up and let our children run riot through our homes and lives? Well, I certainly hope not!

Lately I have been challenged that my frustration with my children's behaviour is less about them and more about me. No matter what they are doing I can choose how I respond. Do I choose to respond with love, grace, wisdom and maturity? Or out of frustration, annoyance and sometime lack of sleep!

Simply put, we need to be consistent with our children and how we choose discipline them. How we are responding to them in those make or break moments? Are we responding or reacting? We can't control our children's every decision, they have to be responsible for their own actions. Truthfully, the only person who we can fully control is ourselves.

Thankfully we're not on our own in this :) I love all the wisdom that God has made freely available to us through his word, the Bible. In Proverbs 15:1 it says "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a hard words stirs up anger".

I could give you countless examples of how I have responded to various incidences with my children, sometimes responding well, sometimes not so well... but the truth is I'm sure you've got your own little movie reel of past events going through your head right now.

One thing I do know, is that when I calmly respond to my children it shows them that it is their mistake or bad behaviour that I am displeased with and not them personally. It models to them how to stay in control of your emotions & it also shows them that you, the parent, are in control of the situation.

Simple questions I try to ask myself:

When I remind them that we are to be kind and patient with one another, is the way I am speaking kind and patient?

When I instruct them not to raise their voices at one another, am I raising my voice?

Is the way in which I am responding to them building towards a solution or just adding to the problem?

In asking myself these questions I have come to realise that often the source of my struggle comes down to just this... It's not you, it's me. And thankfully therefore the solution can be found with me also.

Many blessing

xx Deni

Eggs to order!

It's day four of runny noses, sore throats and coughs in my house this week. Just when you think that Spring is upon us, the beautiful clear blue skies have disappeared, drizzling clouds hover overhead and we all get hit with a viral infection.

I don't take great joy in telling you that when my husband surprised me by coming home for lunch today he didn't walk into a beautiful sparkling clean house & children... Oh no, there were blankets on the lounge room floor, breakfast dishes still on the bench... and wait for it... I was still in my dressing gown, actually no, I was still in HIS dressing gown! Far more cuddly and comforting on a rainy Sydney day. 

So it's lunchtime... hungry mouths to feed. Bacon & eggs on toast it is. My youngest son (four years old) has already put in his order of honey on toast instead. He'd have honey on toast three meals a day if I'd let him!

So, the bacon is in the pan sizzling away nicely (if only I could smell it through all the congestion!). Time to make the eggs... and this is where the story really begins. I asked my two eldest sons what kind of eggs they would like. Scrambled or fried? Seems simple right? Well that is until they both say the opposite preference than each another. Now, you might be one of those amazing mothers that cook up a storm at every meal, and each child has his or her tastebuds dancing at breakfast, lunch & dinner... but in all honestly... that's just not me. So, back to the story. At this point this is where I would normally say "you need to choose one option between yourselves". Mean, aren't I! I'm tired, sick and just want to get lunchtime over with to be honest. This is where I felt the Holy Spirit nudge me to make two separate batches of 'eggs to order'.

The truth is, we don't always have to bend over backwards to give our children everything that they want or ask for. But it is important that we simply be nice. Show them the same courtesy that we would show our guests. Value them and their individuality. Whether it's through something as simple as it was for me today to make them their eggs to order. Or maybe it's really listening & engaging when they are showing you their latest Lego creation or dance routine. Jesus said "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me".

Many blessings

xx Deni

Welcome!

Hey lovely one! Welcome... or perhaps welcome back! My name is Deni, and my husband & I have three handsome sons, now aged 13, 12 and 10. And whilst I may be outnumbered, it's truly been my undeserved joy and honour to be raising sons.

I love Jesus with all that I am and my primary goal in raising my sons is to show them that they have a Father in heaven who adores them more than I do. And that He has a plan and purpose for their lives, not just in the future, but in their everyday 'ordinary' lives even while they are young. (Romans 12:1 MSG).

I plan to share with you what I learn along the way, hopefully some God revealed truths on raising children... specifically sons, but I believe much may be applied to daughters also.

So welcome, I hope that you will find encouragement here! I'll be preaching to the choir... for I too am growing & learning in parenting. I pray that as I share with you we can learn through my triumphs & mistakes and draw closer to the One who is before all things and who holds all things together! (Colossians 1:17) 

Many blessings

xx Deni